How having a baby RUINED my life (and also SAVED it)

How Having a Baby Ruined my Life and also SAVED it

Yes. Having a baby completely ruined some aspects of my life. Before I was pregnant, I was well put together, had my finances in order, and had a future with so much possibility. All of that changed the moment I got pregnant. Getting pregnant ruined my life as I knew it in 3 major ways:

  1. Having a baby completely ruined my credit! Let me explain. Before I had my daughter I kept an extremely detailed spreadsheet of my finances and a calendar of payment due dates. I would have NEVER paid a bill late or been in collections. Let’s skip forward to my first few weeks postpartum. I was a sleep deprived new mom who could barely remember the last time she showered. I struggled with breastfeeding. I was figuring out how to take care of a newborn. Life was pretty overwhelming. When I wasn’t overcoming some “new mom” challenge, or learning a “new mom” skill, I wanted to be sleeping and cuddling with my awesome baby every free second of the day. The first few weeks postpartum are amazing, but basically take up all the life you’ve got in you. Needless to say, I didn’t keep up with my financial spreadsheets. I no longer took the time to make a calendar. I didn’t even know what day it was most of the time. Usually what would happen is this, “Oh, it’s the 21st? Shoot! Hold the baby while I pay the electric bill that’s a week late.” Unfortunately this went on for the first 3 months. My daughter is now 7 months old and as I write this I just remembered that I haven’t paid a bill that was due 5 days ago.
  2. My extreme (and unexpected) emotional attachment to my baby made it impossible to go back to work. I say “unexpected” because if you had asked me during my pregnancy whether I would be going back to work full time, I wouldn’t have hesitated to say YES! The baby would be watched by my mother or grandmother or whoever else was available. No big deal. Then I gave birth. I became the most “Mama Bear”, “I’ll scratch your eyes out if you hurt my baby” kind of mother. I’m untrusting of EVERYONE… even my own husband sometimes. I know that my daughter would be just fine in the hands of many of my family members but it’s so difficult for me. Just the thought of going back to work full time and being away from her would send me into these hour long crying spells. When she was only 6 weeks old I had to go back to school full time and I would cry every single time I left her. It never got easier. I can’t afford to stay out of work for much longer but it’s just tough. Couple this with #1 and it’s no wonder I haven’t gotten back to the financially savvy 20-something I used to be.
  3. I am constantly at a state of high alert. I blame this on my upbringing. My mom and aunts have always been huge fans of the Law & Order/ Criminal Minds type of shows. I’ve watched them since I was a child. Although it always disturbed me, it never impacted my life in any major way… until I got pregnant. I had to stop watching those shows because I couldn’t sleep. I’d be up all night watching my doors for intruders. Now that my daughter is here I triple check that the doors are locked constantly, I am hyper vigilant when we are out, and I must always know you if you wanna touch my kid. I get that this makes me sound paranoid and that this may seem like a cry for mental help but I can’t help but feel like my daughter is safer because of it (even though I’ve included it as a reason for my “ruined” life… because my life is totally ruined now)

However, having a baby also saved my life…

Before I gave birth I was so unsure of what God’s plan was for my life. I had a bachelors degree but no real direction for my career. I hadn’t yet found anything that I was truly passionate about. I started to get discouraged that I would never figure it out. When I found out I was pregnant, all those feelings were amplified by 1000! I felt like I was bringing a child into this world that was still so chaotic and uncertain for me. Then I gave birth to her. Nothing else in my life has ever matter to me more than being a mother. Also, I never felt so passionate about anything. I finally had a purpose that I was sure of. I am Iggy’s mom and I’m freaking great at it. Everything else is secondary. It gave me confidence in myself that wasn’t there before. My postpartum life also helped me realize that I am extremely passionate about childbirth, breastfeeding, and being an advocate for new moms. I became a Certified Lactation Counselor and I’m in the process of becoming a childbirth educator.

So yes, I have terrible credit and no real job and I can’t be away from my kid for too long without losing my mind. And yes, all those things are probably quite unhealthy. But I’ve never been more sure of where God is leading me to and who I am meant to be. I hope the same for all moms out there.

 

Photo from: Copyright: brebca / 123RF Stock Photo

About The Author

Kim

Hi! I’m a new mommy to a beautiful baby girl, which has made me obsessed with all things pregnancy, birth, babies, breastfeeding, and postpartum life. I have a degree in Developmental Psychology and I’m currently studying for a Masters in Public Health. I’m also a Certified Lactation Counselor. I love Disney, burgers, wine, “search and find” puzzles, and board games. I hope to get to know you soon.

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